


Caffeïnated Minds

by Kaiva Koenig (KaizenKitty)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Charles Bukowki Appreciation Society, Conditional Love, Dark Comedy, Dark Romance, Heartbreak, Insomnia, Loss, Lust, Unrequited Love, Writing, a monument in loving memory of ee cummings, battling coffee addiction, dealing with depression, emo poetry, getting over it, heavy dose of sarcasm, learning to love again, obnoxiously pretentious, welcome to the dark side, with enough cynicism to burn a soggy swamp, with ridiculous Literary pretensions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 20:29:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11298267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaizenKitty/pseuds/Kaiva%20Koenig
Summary: A poetry anthology.





	1. are we ourselves

are we ourselves  
or are we  
coffeee  
made to be drunk  
dry  
bitter with liquid loathing  
an aftertaste  
are we ourselves  
or are we  
nametags that say  
Hello I'm Stephen  
when our legal name is  
Qhàlíd  
are we ourselves  
or are we  
belts and tucked in shirts and sneakers  
and vacuum cleaners mentos gum  
are we ourselves  
or hairnets rubbish bags  
disposable  
rubber gloves touching dirty things  
are we ourselves  
or are we  
rules  
and regulations that  
bind us and tell us  
what to be  
are we ourselves  
are you you  
am I me  
in this ever-changing life  
can we be  
we


	2. kiss kiss

the smell of  
fresh lies in the morning  
ah! how refreshing


	3. Debate

reflection  
                                        two people  
                                                                                arguing  
for peace                                                                for justice  
                                                                                revenge  
politics                                   and  
                                                                                     loud  
                                          unsound  
                                         arguments  
                                are being thrown about  
                            one ricochets around his head  
                                                                                and hits  
                                        an innocent  
                                                                              bystander  
another argument stealthily  
creeps  
disturbs  
alarms  
                                        the world and  
                                                                                   radical  
fear inciting  
                                        photograph (s  
                            which must be true. cannot have  
                        been photoshopped. cannot have been  
                                  edited. must be true. the  
                                         huffingtonpost  
                                                and  
                                            fox news  
said it was true.  
                                           so it's true.)  
circulate the internet  
                                          like a looming  
                                              buzzing  
                                               WASP.  
its never over, never over, never  
                                                over  
it's always going on ...  
                                            the argument  
                                                                                continues  
two people  
                                               sparring  
                                                                               with words  
                                            over a herd of  
humans.


	4. o_o'

visiting my boyfriends home  
his room, full of photos  
of himself


	5. January

High above the muck you fly  
Above the grau  
Polymer town above the  
Pores of tacit toiling stone  
You soar, wings flapping.


	6. Only you

 

 

 

Spit in my heart

  
  
Tear my bleeding wound wide open

  
  
and

  
  
Pour in some salt

  
  
.

  
  
I will keep coming back for more

 

 

 

 


	7. Manifesto of the tired novelist with a day job

I'm tired of poets  
and their  
pretentious sadness  
and their  
 _"only a 'sensitive' man has the  
'inspiration' to create".  
_  
  
As if you need _'inspiration'_ to write  
words upon a page  
and as though  
without some degree of actionless pathos  
one cannot be _< <poetic>>_  
enough or indeed  
move others  
with words.  
  
  
It speaks rather of  
lack of  
character  
rather than any great literary genius  
or  
 _< <talent>>._  
What is _< <talent>>_ ?  
What is talent without the appliance of  
hard work  
and  
a hearty demeanor?


	8. Everyone has a choice

 

 

Dust. Dust on the road you step foot on.  
I wave my hand goodbye, the last time I will see you again.  
No tomorrow. Tomorrow is lost to the toads of today.  
Tomorrow is broken by the bullet lodged deep inside their brain.  
Tomorrow is over. Nothing remains.

  
  
  
Your hand is cold. Your lips shiver.  
And there is nothing I can do to make you warm again.  
Your lips shiver while you tell me not to worry. Not to stay.  
You are cold and hungry and I am miles away.  
While dust settles on your sweating forehead, all I can do is pray.

  
  
  
  
I refuse to believe this is all. I refuse to believe you have to take the fall.  
Tomorrow can heal us, if we stay alive.  
Tomorrow will save you. All you need is to survive.  
Even in the deadliest circumstances, you still have a choice.  
When the tide comes to take you. Use your voice.

 

 


	9. #charity

be the bigger man  
and donate  
your penis


	10. February

Frozen feet make me humble  
frozen feet make me weep  
make me hunger and trouble  
frozen feet make me weak  
  
My umbrella with holes bores  
a whole in my head  
out come falling insanities  
my umbrella is mad  
  
In the pit of my stomach  
a Neanderthal cries  
he despairs yet he prospers  
pukes umbrellas aside  
  
I can't possibly fathom  
all the months in this year  
it's a bother, a passion,  
it's a hell of a year.


	11. Rosa

 

I'm scared of being happy  
afraid to take the leap  
I'm sad because I worry  
and never get to sleep.  
  
  
My burdened back collapses  
in little crumpled heaps  
I take too many classes  
to hide my own disease.  
  
  
Afraid alone and worried  
I tread across the dark  
my torch light weak it flickers  
goes out in one bright spark.  
  
  
Alone at last I wander  
the coldest gust of wind  
its creepy touch caresses  
my pale and wired cheek.  
  
  
Don't try to get too close  
I whisper in your ear  
cause thorns adorn the rose  
the rose you hold so dear.

 


	12. Rabbit Hole

5\. writing to reach people yet  
  
3\. growing more distant  
  
2\. from them  
  
1\. every  
  
1\. day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fibonacci only wanted to model how rabbits reproduce. Never thought he'd come up with a sequence that would take 500 years to solve.


	13. Dreamer

 

She dreamt of starvation,  
she dreamt of a war.  
She dreamt of destruction,  
and many things more.  
  
She dreamt of catastrophe  
She dreamt of the waves  
flooding the village  
and taking our place.  
  
She dreamt of volcanoes  
and smoldering heat  
She dreamt of a fire  
two minutes too sweet.  
  
She dreamt of the arctic  
She dreamt of the ice  
She dreamt of a death row  
of scurrying mice.  
  
She oft dreamt of flying  
She would touch the sky  
While we lay there dying,  
she'd just scream goodbye.  
  
She dreamt not to kill us  
She dreamt just to dream  
But most of them people  
don't know what I mean.  
  
One day it was over.  
She'd started a war  
without really knowing  
till seconds before.  
  
They pointed their fingers  
all straight to her head.  
"she is the culprit  
we want her dead"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...be careful what you dream


	14. Don't Write

 

When I was just a little girl,   
my mother sat me down.  
She looked me sternly in the eye,  
pretending not to frown.  
  
She asked me: "Darling, why do you  
continue writing in that book?  
What makes you think that when you're done  
someone will want to look?"  
  
I looked at her, a little vexed  
– for she had doubted me –  
but then again, she must be right,  
and so I did agree…  
  
I have no talent in the field,  
so I should never try  
to reach an apple far from me,  
when there is one close by.  
  
Now many years have passed since then,  
and only now I see,  
that I have let my mother's will  
decide my destiny…

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's wrong for parents to feed their kid unrealistic expectations for the future... But it's even worse to demotivate your kid!


	15. Hope

Be a writer  
not for yourself  
not for your friends  
But for the Souls you can save  
  
The aching, the haunted,  
the ones that no-one wanted  
that wander the earth  
in search of a place  
  
A place to hide, a place to rest  
a means to fit the world at best  
solutions, potions do they seek  
in books and hidden mysteries.  
  
To lull their pain,  
forget the world  
to freely jump  
not getting hurt  
  
Be a writer  
to change the world  
to offer people  
Hope

 

 


	16. MARCH

 

sssissing    soul   cry  
driller  
poof   arrange        hooo  
ll     ooo    it     ooo   in  
sunlight   graffiti    trees  
my     (s) ear (s)     sssitt  
thoooo    s    others  
jeopardy    parody     final  
legacy  
baby    wheel  eeeee    s    head  
pett      s   k       sk      sky  
scrapers  
eating  air  ( w !  ― why, no  
184      481     number   number   why ?! )  
hoo      whooo s e e e t i n   ne  
1   4   8  
888    shit   got    l8  
focqk    with    f8

 

 


	17. Strawberries

 

It rained yesterday.  
It rained and it washed all the mud down our street.  
I went in the garden, my shoes got all wet.  
Darn summer showers that smell of soaked earth.  
I went in the garden, I set down my fruit basket,  
And started to dig.  
Until I found strawberries, crushed by the foul phlegm of sand grains and  
Dead leaves.  
My hands still felt cold when I washed them with hot, steamy water  
From under the tap. I closed it, and ran  
Ran down the porous cement stairs that stung my bare feet,  
To the beat of a popular tune our neighbor Jerry played,  
To my friend's house.  
My friend used to stick strawberries to the tips of her fingers and  
Eat them off, licking her lips with vigor.  
I knocked on the door twice and waited, strawberry basket in hand.  
My hand wouldn't reach the doorbell those years,  
Even standing on tiptoes.  
When minutes passed and I heard nothing but the roar of an airplane's rotor,  
I knew just where she would be.  
Pushing my head between iron bars of the fence, wiggling  
Wiggling myself inside.  
My bum touched the wet grass as I fell into it,  
Strawberries scattered around me.  
I picked them up.  
With my basket beside me, I skipped round her house,  
Past the yellow tulips her mother had planted.  
I skipped round the house, and called out her name.  
She didn't answer.  
For a long wretched second I thought I was wrong,  
I was wrong and she wasn't out here.  
With my hands, I pushed through the bush of white jasmine.  
Some petals fell, got torn and twisted up by my toes, and I didn't care.  
They were just petals.  
Just petals,  
Not a girl, a girl I knew, a girl I maybe loved.  
I say maybe because we were so young back then.  
When I pushed past the jasmine bush, head first, I saw her.  
She was hanging from a tree.  
Her bare feet pointing straight down, so unlike Wile E Coyote when he found  
No land under him.  
Her face looked so pale, her hair hung free.  
I walked over and held her hand.  
It was cold  
And wet like the leaves and the grass  
After the rain that had buried my strawberries.  
I remembered my mom said not to stay too long.  
So I walked back to the front of the house, and climbed through the fence  
And walked up the porous cement stairs. A lizard ran past me.  
I lunged in to catch it, but it shed its tail and fled under our house.  
Twisting my head on the muddy walk, I peered down the hole,  
Yet I couldn't see it.  
"What are you doing?" my mom said. "I just washed your clothes.  
What are you doing getting them dirty again?"  
So I jumped up and wiped the grime off my knees,  
Dropping the lizard tail somewhere,  
And I flashed her a big cheery smile, and told her how  
Sorry I was.  
"Fine. We're having Mexican for dinner tonight."  
She paused, and looked at me strangely.  
Her neck made a sharp angle with the rigid set of her shoulder blades,  
And I swear that she inhaled deeply before asking  
"Where's your fruit basket?"  
I walked in the house, in the kitchen. Not looking at her  
I sat down on one of the chairs, fingering the plastic placemat.  
"I lost it."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROMPT, write a poem using the words: 
> 
> lost - wretched - foul - strawberries - tree - airplane - house - mexican - lizard
> 
>  
> 
> this is a narrative free verse poem  
> I tried to include detail in the poem, make vivid descriptions of what was going on  
> to illustrate the feelings of the protagonist; instead of talking directly about the protagonist's feelings  
> any input on this poem is appreciated, really -- I'm prepared to change it if you make a good point  
> specifically I wonder if the alliteration and flow of words can be improved, by replacing certain words and using ones that fit better (which are more descriptive or easier to pronounce)


	18. Sandy

 

Sleepy houses dense with fog  
Sleepy streets without a soul  
Sleepy boilers lowly wine  
Sleepy vapor teacup rise  
  
  
Sleepy lips ceramic touch  
Sleepy teeth bite bread and chew  
Sleepy thoughts together come  
Sleepy motions one to one  
  
  
Sleepy daylight savings time  
Sleepy steps on railway line  
Sleepy shiver cold to touch  
Sleepy wake-up but not much  
  
  
Sleepy sorries curt replies  
Sleepy mornings sandy eyes.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Critique appreciated!


	19. Hi there!

Tell me, tell me, is there hope  
in a land without a sun?  
In a country where the skies  
are always dark and glum?  
  
  
Tell me, tell me, do you pray  
to the cold electric light?  
Your priests wear suits and ties,  
preach from tall steel towers ― right?  
  
  
Tell me, tell me, is it fun  
to be stuck all day inside?  
Talk through glass fiber wires,  
and never lift your own behind?  
  
  
Tell me, tell me, how do you  
feel today?  
Try to answer without emoticons or memes,  
on a scale from 1 to 10?

 

 


	20. Easily

 

Easily you fall for me  
Easily you crumble  
Learn to do things easily  
Easily you mumble  
/  
What if I will never learn?  
Easily I stumble  
Will you teach me,  
Will you turn?  
/  
Easily I crumble

 

 


	21. you think you're badass

 

you found your Daddy's porn mag, and now you think you're badass  
  
you stayed up late and drank your Momma's gin, you think you're badass  
  
you woke up with a girl in bed. you think you're badass.  
  
you prank called the police and got away with it, you think you're badass.  
  
you spray painted your name on an elementary school wall...so badass  
  
you wrote a death note, and thought it was so badass  
  
you picked on the kid with glasses -- he's such a nerd  
unlike you -- you, are badass.  
  
  
  
you went and called the lunch lady fat, you think you're badass  
  
you drive a second hand corvette with peeling paint, you think you're badass  
  
you ripped two holes in your newest store-bought pants, you think you're badass  
  
you wrote an emo poem to post on the net, you think you're badass  
  
you don't know who was President before Clinton, and you don't care. you think you're badass.  
  
you couldn't even locate your home town on a map...so badass  
  
you went to the shooting range and missed all targets,  
you didn't tell your friends about it.  
  
  
  
Cause it's not badass.

 

 


	22. Schönheit sehen

I want to see beauty in the streets  
in sunken eyes and mouths made too deep  
in thinning hair and tired jaws  
in fleshy hands resembling paws  
  
in whispered threats and violent oaths  
that never reached the ones they loathed  
in letters that have not been sent  
in sturdy backs that now are bent  
  
I want to see and touch the truth  
regain the last joys of our youth  
I want to dance, I want to sing  
  
ignite the fire deep within  
where years have worn the softer side to  
rubble kept intact by only pride.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :-) sonnet. AABB rhyme scheme, 8 syllables (first and last two verses have 9)


	23. April

 

Call me now  
a feather  
soft and floating  
mirroring  
in countless oceans  
  
Call me fast  
a silent river  
overbearing, overflowing  
mad and darting  
it's all showing  
  
Call me daylight  
that I am  
alone and sullen  
tender,  
strong  
  
Call me whatever  
the hell you  
like  
I will prove you  
wrong

 

 


	24. Balloons

Hard to trust  
-once you're bitten  
Hard to love  
-once you're rough  
Hard to make better friends  
-once you're all out of luck  
Hard to help out a stranger  
-once some dude ripped you off  
Hard to hide all that anger  
-once it's bubbling up  
  
But there's no point in trying  
to get rid of these things  
Hard things come for a reason  
-once you'll know what it is.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're all balloons, drifting apart in the night.


	25. Unleash yourselves

 

The power of the empty page  
that tosses turns and sways  
that dims the light within  
the writer's heart at whim.  
  
Unleash yourselves, break free  
uproot with urgency  
usurp your minds, do what you can  
upset the empty like a man.  
  
Venture deep inside the cave  
vomit words like tidal waves  
violate the sandy shore  
void yourselves of vintage gore.  
  
When the fire dulls the hearth  
white-lipped writers suck their flask  
with a sturdy endless grasp  
wring the ending out at last.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for all writers out there! :D  
> I'd be very happy to receive critique on this work. Please tell me what I can do to improve, so that I can work on that in future poems.
> 
>  
> 
> poem follows the alphabet T-U-V-W


	26. Novel Draft Aftercare

rewrite the rewrite  
until your fingers  
bleed

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XD haiku inspired by the eponymous NaNoWriMo forum


	27. Mine

 

I want to wrap you in my blanket,  
to keep you from prying eyes.  
I want to roll down the hills with you,  
kiss you under clear blue skies.  
  
I want to hold your hand when night falls,  
and tell you not to cry.  
For no matter what the people say,  
you will always be mine.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally inspired by a great ItaSasu fanfic ("Room 234" by BelovedShadow on FFnet), Itachi's feelings for Sasuke.


	28. I feel fine

 

soothing me  
trusting you  
I feel fine  
trusting you  
  
  
lay my head  
in your neck  
I feel fine  
here with you  
  
  
I don't care  
what they think  
what they think  
and hide inside  
  
  
with you  
I feel fine  
I'm glad  
I am yours  
  
  
and you are mine.

 

 


	29. Tulip

 

purple, like the sun  
its pale yellow petals fr  
agile and soft to the touch  
burn in the fire  
of sunlight and warm  
hot red cheeks dazzling  
        strong  
  
        wrong  
discarded, hated by all  
loved by none  
willowy frozen tears falling  
shlup shlup they tell  
no one . believe in the silence  
of tear streaked eyes

 

 


	30. bathroom roach and kaizenkitty

 

bathroom roach, o bathroom roach  
wherefore art thou bathroom roach?

 

 


	31. May

 

Evening settles over blue  
indigo city scape  
orange glows from a  
trillion tiny window panes  
as cars rumble off  
to distant places  
and above  
the moon  
glows white  
brightest of all through dense violet clouds  
commands attention  
of mice and men alike  
who  
sequestered in their cells of concrete  
behold the sky  
in awe

 

 


	32. faithfully forgotten

 

 

take a deep breath

it's over

light fog of steam rises up your sleep cup

head doing whirlwinds

lie down roll over on your back

see the ceiling's gyrating shadows

it's been a long night you'll be alright

a shudder a rubber a slapper

teapot calls you

you rise

lap up some new lies

feels sweet your tongue; honeyed poison

your teeth are rotten and golden

awake groan the stairs

and dull unprepared

your flat mates tumble down snoring

white dusk new musk

kiss her neck and forget

the night

forget the night you forgot her

 

 

 


	33. Pleasure

 

Sweaty and juicy  
you lie on the floor.  
Your fat belly showing,  
you're grunting for more.  
  
Now I've got you captured,  
you don't seem to mind,  
so I lay my hand  
on your filthy behind.  
  
The tension is rising,  
along with the thrill,  
the ecstasy swooning,  
prepare for the kill!  
  
But then I remember,  
let go of my fork,  
and cry out to God:  
 _"Why can't I eat porc?"_

 

 


	34. thingy thing

 

I want to fuck you over  
I want to be a tool  
Now baby don't make no mistake  
And hand me reigns to rule  
  
You're crying for disaster  
If you do as you please  
No boundaries can stop me now  
So bitch don't be a tease  
  
We're waking and faking and  
Joking and praying just  
Stay  
the way you are  
Stay  
here at the bar  
  
We're dancing we're breaking  
We're faking we're making  
A whole other world here  
under your skin  
In the slight dip and dent  
round your navel thing  
  
thingy thing

 

 


	35. Vodka on Rocks

 

Enclosed in darkness, my frigid  
window pane, in cold morning fog  
he sits, alone, I wish I could  
kiss his doubts away, and wonder  
'will he ever?', I'll never know.  
  
/  
  
I remember hands on me, he  
used to tell me, 'you'll be okay',  
and faded paper in my hand  
is all I have for memory.  
A full moon rises up ahead.  
  
/  
  
Oh how I wish he would return  
his voice, his breath, his scent around  
my glass of vodka, vodka on  
rocks he bought me, you know I still  
keep it. I don't like alcohol.  
  
/  
  
He always knew just how I felt  
could coax me with a look, a word,  
and I was his, yet he didn't say  
anything. Just sat there and stared  
fists clenched arms folded, over tea.  
  
/  
  
Older, older, I'm never old  
enough, to see stained evening snow  
even though it collects at my  
feet and won't let go, no no no!  
He wants me safe and protected.  
  
/  
  
It means a stroke of sleepless nights  
thick protruding veins, hazy blur,  
three beer cans later, on the floor.  
Try to move on, nothing works but  
bashing my head against the wall  
  
/  
  
'i love you i love you i love...  
collapsing head-first on my bed'  
at three AM, cats howl nearby.  
Come back. Come home. Don't make me cry.  
You are the reason I still try

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like Onitsura said, 'Outside of truth there is no poetry'


	36. Temptation

 

sip the poison from the glass  
down the last drop, off the mask  
fingers touch and yield too fast  
sweet and vulgar, make them gasp  
  
learn to stop before you drop  
heading for the latest shock  
tail toes wired, lace and rock  
nothing now can shake them off  
  
don't forget that love is sweet  
true love withers, wrecks its feet  
basest weeds feel best at ease  
when the world itself will cease

 

 


	37. L.O.V.E.

 

Longing objections validate everything.  
  
L.O.V.E.

 

 


	38. (*)

 

  - 1 -

 Leave a mark

 

 in your shadow.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

  - 2 -

 

 Your sweet shadow follows

 

 me

 

 everywhere.

 

 


	39. Idiot Nation

 

Fucking pretentious pricks  
sucking on their dicks  
treating them with care  
all the fag fanfare  
  
Lollipops, balloons  
idiotic goons  
Spit and garbage they consume  
eating with a silver spoon  
  
Licking sweat,  
pissing wet  
fucking upside down rejects  
lost to games and porn cassettes.  
  
Films of irony and joy  
your malicious evil ploy  
Stick a finger up and try  
radiating off the sky.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...some of my more angry poetry


	40. Burning the Flag

 

We're burning the flag  
We're dressed up in drag  
We don't give a fuck  
anymore.  
  
It's time to dig deep  
It's time, take the leap  
It's time to surrender  
you whore.  
  
Buy weapons, buy guns  
Buy crack just for fun  
Buy fuel and gas,  
all for free.  
  
The pattering sound  
The battling crowd  
The tear and they break  
at the seams.

 

 

 


End file.
